Confidence

Heeelooooooo Bloggerettos,

So as you probably already know, Confidence is a big thing within this blog. It is intertwined into almost every post and is the reason for me creating this blog. I think confidence is amazing. Someone who is able to look past thier own faults and imperfections and can still say "I am amazing" Overwhelms me, mesmerises me. I am not the most shy human being on the planet, far from it. However confidence within myself, self belief, is something I fail to grasp.

I think one reason for this is my eczema. For those of you wondering eczema is skin condition which creates cuts, redness and sometimes blisters on the skin. For me eczema has been an ongoing battle for the majority of fifteen years. For a number of years it was mild and was irreagular. It never stayed for too long. Despite this, around three years ago my ecxema flared up and it was awful. It got so bad that I could hardly walk, move and couldn't sleep at night. I spent hours and hours at night crying my eyes out because the pain was unbearable. Eventually I agreed that a skin condition which was making it difficult to move my arms was ridiculous.I decided to make an appointment at my local practice. The doctor  however made me feel so small and pointless it dampend my spirits further.

But my mother wouldn't give up. She would buy mouisturiser after mousturiser trying to find something that would work. Sadly, Nothing did. It was then my mum decided to take me back to the doctor. I was not as happy about this as my mother but I didn't have a choice. When we went back it was the locam doctor that I had to see. He was such a gentleman and got me booked in at the hospital.

It was then that I was now going to the hospital everyday. Wearing dressings which made me look like a mummy. I felt so bad about myself. It was such a low time in my life. I would say things such as: "Why am I so ugly?" "Why is my skin so sore?" "I hate my life" "I don't deserve this" "I don't even care" "I am so different" "I will never get married" Looking back I was so selfish. Leaving my mum with these questions which she couldn't answer.

Eventually my skin began to clear up. I was so happy. Everything was looking up. My grades were good, I had started to play Cello and was offered a place in the Edinburgh Youth Orchestra. I just felt like me again. I began to gain Confidence. It was great.

My skin is still on the mend and I have to wear dressings at night. And yes I have marks on my legs. Scars which will always be with me. The memories of people saying nasty things but it all just reminds me of how strong I am. How amazing I am. And how much my confidence has grown. I love my life and most of all me. I am who I am. I am confident, and you can be too.

I would like to thank:
My amazing mum who has been with me through it all, the long nights, the tears, the laughter, the lows and the highs.
Dr.Todd for getting me seen so quickly at the hospital
And, all the staff in the hospital who have helped me with the recovery.

I love you all,
Enjoy life
Be confident

See you soon,
Emamama
xoxo